As near verbatim as possible:
Me: *after searching the campus bookstore* Hi, where are the graphing calculators?
Bookstore Drone: They're *insert high-but-not-scarily-so price here*... uh...
Me: I'm aware of that. Where do you keep them?
BD: They're back here. Uh, it's *repeats price*!
Me: Riiiiight. Can I get one, please?
BD: *makes no move to get one* Uhhhh... what do you need it for? Do you need it?
Me: *boggle* *pause to see if he's joking* *boggle more* It would be rather useful in passing my math class, seeing as how it's required by the course...
BD: *finally goes to get calculator*
Me: Okay, great. *notices model number is slightly different than the one listed in the course requirement, just an upgrade, no biggie* These are the only ones you have? There are no other models?
BD: *does marvelous imitation of poleaxed cow on a bad LSD trip* There are some down there, the regular ones, you want those! *Note: Not a question.*
Me: Nonononono, I need the graphing calculator. *whips out credit card before BD's braincell stampedes out his nose*
Hard-won geek gadget firmly in hand, I troop over to the campus information desk. Two people and a lot of self-restraint and patient speaking later, I got the location of the department office my AWOL Astronomy lab professor reports to. I head up there and get a secretary who... *sigh* Well, she was a bit of an improvement over the others in the same way that leaving the bacon off a bacon double cheeseburger is a bit healthier. I eventually manage to get my needs (getting ahold of the damned prof so I can let him know I'm going to be late to the first lab) across to her, she calls him and wastes half his voicemail space slooooooowwwwly blathering about me having to miss class, then hands the phone over to me. I leave a concise message explaining my need to be LATE, the reason for the conflict, that it will be a one-time thing and giving him both my phone numbers, and we're good. Even if he never calls me back, he will be aware that I'm not cutting the first day of class. Assuming, of course, that he can figure out how to check his voicemail; he certainly can't figure out how to check his email.
And these are the people running the place. I tremble to think of the caliber of student. I imagine it must be legendary.
